weight weight go away...

im not posting what i weigh or sizes/pictures etc. im too scared of all that to share lol but i will post how excited i am that i weigh less then what i did going into this pregnancy! news flash i still weigh more then i like story of my life so i have a long long way to go but this is a good start i beleive . i got pregnant with paisley not 3 months after i had payten and hadnt lost all the 50 pounds i gained with her... i wasnt able to breastfed with her and started dieting and working out a month later so i had lost like 30 pounds 10 right after she came out and 30 after i started dieting... i got pregnant with paisley and obviously couldnt diet anymore lol gained 20 pounds with this last pregnancy. lost 10 right away lol and have lost 20 the last three weeks. paisley is 3 weeks today. i have a bunch more i need to lose and am no where close to where i want to be but hopefully with breastfeeding the next year starting to workout in 3 weeks when i get the go ahead(i would now but my placenta didnt come out on its own with paisley and aparently you can bleed to death if you dont take it easy after that happens untill the doctor says its all healed(ive already tried talking my doctor into letting me and it didnt work if you cant tell lol) ive done a tone of research and talked to lactation nurses and doctors and i can start watching calories once my milk supply is good by two months as long as i eat atleast 1800 calories a day and eating healthy. so heres to getting healthy this next year :)d

words of a sleep deprived mom

paisley i breastfed. im proud to say(type) this simple sentence. i wasnt able to breastfeed payten and to this day(a year later) i still regret that it never was able to happen.there is a new research study done that the longer youre able to breastfeed a baby the more connections in the brain are made making a smarter baby. i hope when paytens older she doesnt blame me for her math skills or that shes not able to speek chinese bc of this.lol i want to be able to breastfeed her as long as possible (atleast till age 1) if we go past that then great but i just might feel alittle akward with a 5 year old hanging on my breast in public loloh well she will be one smart baby if that happens ha ha. last night i found out the reason paisley grunts sooo much... she has gas and its bad! so luckly... i had gripe water i had boughten with payten but never opened. you have to mix it into a bottle and fed it to them so i measured it out pumped some milk and mixed it in happy i had figured it out and that the steps i had just taken would allow us all to get a better nights sleep grunt free. well  i found out something very important. my kid refuses a bottle... even a natural nipple alike one. i decided that when out in public i would first pump then fed her with a bottle ... well it looks like thats not going to happen now...or atleast untill i get her to take a bottle. i guess i will have to get over my fear of public  flashing lol its not so much me scared that someone will see something... its more that they will be offended by seeing something.so back to the problem of the grunting child... i decided to put into a baby medication despencer and drip it in while i breastfed her. after a half hour or burps etc she fell asleep. and for about 3 hrs slept with only a few small grunts! it worked and i slept good till she woke up to eat again... with more milk came more grunts. so i tried again. anyways long long story short was that last night was not fun and i stayed up with a gassy fussy baby sleeping in my arms peacefully while i couldnt sleep. oh well thats mommyhood. i say mommyhood bc the word mother seems too old to use right now... im only 23 im not 40 so mommyhood is what i will use till the word mother applys more to me in 10 or so years.

my reasons for living

i havent written in awhile obviously so here is a catch up on things that have happened. payten turned 1 years old this last month! my little baby is growing up. we had a small birthday party and  opened gifts with my parents the weekend before then had a family thing on her birthday. she got some fun gifts and ate losts of frosting:) mostly frosting not so much cake ha ha shes been walking since 10 and a half months and has gotten better she walks like a little duckie ha ha we actually took her to her one year apt got shots and blood draw(it was horrible) and the doctor said she is slightly bow legged in her right leg but she will grow out of it soon. she says a few words like. mama. dada. papa.bo(our dog) hi. baba. no. and her favorite jake(my husbands name) lol she is so active and fun now. shes so happy all th e time we love our little toddler. paisley was born oct 14th (5 days after paytens birthday. we ended up having to be induced which i would actually do again. it was so much easier on my physically then paytens delivery was. we had an apt set for 8am and checked in with our bags were sent to labor and delivery met our nurse and she set me up with the iv and a pitocin drip. my doctor came in an hr later and broke my water(wierdiest feeling ever! i hated it bc it just wouldnt stop gussing and i wanted to shower so badily bc of it ha ha anyways that really didnt get things going so they upped the pitocin every 30 hr till 1pm when i got my epidural i slept for and hr or two after that and then started throwing up when i woke up i think i threw up a few times and even after i could seem to keep anything down it sucked. i finially got some food when my sweet parent in laws came with a much requested pizza that night:)  anyways back to the birth. at 4 pm the nurse came in and checked me and set up a cathater. sadily my epidural didnt work like it should have and i had feeling in my right leg for awhile. so things were uncomforable but atleast i wasnt feeling those contractions. so much worese with pitocin. no fun i promise.  she said i was only at a 4 and came in an a half hr later to check me i was a 5. about 15 mins later i felt funny down there and wondered if maybe the cathater had come out or something so i called her in to check. she did and said it hadnt moved and was fine then luckly decided to check me again even though she just had. i was at a 9 ! from a 5 to a 9 in 15 mins and they had taken me off the pitocin bc it was makning me sick and i had started progressing by myself early. she said ill get everything to set up for delivery and was gone... i was so shocked i wasnt ready i thought i had time... what was going on!lol she came back in and set up like 5 mins later i was feeling a horrible pressure like she was about to pop out and it started feeling contractions again. was my epidural gone? i pushed the button a million times and nothing it was empty... they called the guy back in and he gave me a numbing (very strong epidural shot thing bc the epiural really wasnt working in the first place very well) it helped but i still felt everything unlike how it was with payten i was numb up untill pushing. she said she was going to have me start pushing before the doctor would come in... well when she had me spread my legs and into the sturps she looked down and her face scared me she then said never mind and im like what? jake looked down there and they said her head was already half out and there was a bunch of dark hair right there! im like are you sure? ha ha they both just looked at me wierd. she ran and got the doctor she put on everything and within 3 pushed she was out. paisley was 8 pounds and 2 oz 19 and a half inches long and born at 530pm. she was beautiful. she is beautiful. they weighed and measured her after they took her away from me and waited for the placenta to deliver... it didnt it wouldnt so my doctor had to manually pull it out it was so painful even with the drugs i cried. we only stayed in the hospital till the next night luckily they let us leave so we could be home with payten that night. we missed her and wanted her to met her little sister. we are getting use to having two little ones... its hard at times but sooooo worth it. i love my little family more then anything. always and forever()

baby names

i have to say its so much harder naming the second time around but i think its decided. paisley! the middle name is up in the air so give us your opionions.

29

no i didnt turn 29... although sometimes i wish i was but still on the other hand am glad i still have a few years. im 29 weeks pregnant. with number two. its a girl. we are so excited with a bunch of other emotions. cant decide on a name for sure by now we had known payten was payten we just were not sure on the middle name which when i pushed her out we finially realized it just had to be millie there was nothing as perfect for her. it seems like this pregnancy is going to fast(although yes i still have 11 weeks left) the doctor says shhhe will eaither be a huge baby(10+ pounds) or she will be a few weeks early... lets hope for the second because pushing out a 8 pound 12 oz baby was hell enough i think i will just pass out if this one is any bigger.really i mean its only a pound and 4 ozs bigger but still thats crazy talk... 10 pounds babies... who does that? oh ya... my grandma had one... maybe two of them. i honestly think the older you get the "bigger" your babies get lol by the time im 50 telling payten about her birth when she asks me how it was when she is expecting she will have gone from 8 pounds 12 oz to 12 pounds or some crazy number. lol i pray im not one of those mothers that makes her remember what i had to go through for her each day of her life... she is 16 and being a teenage pain and i lift up my shirt saying see these stretch marks they were put there becuase i carried you for 10 months you better stop treating your poor mom like this who went through 3 days of labor to push your ungrateful butt out as i run off crying. lets pray hard that never happens. ha ha. moms are funny.... i dont know why maybe all the hormones after having kids... maybe the onset of metapause... payten is getting so grown up she is saying mama da da and ba ba and knows what they all mean. she signs no and more... is trying to learn to walk and all at the same time forgetting she is only 9 months old and still my little baby girl.i read in and article the other day that having babies about a year apart are called having irish twins... i liked the term because my husbands last name is mcwhorter so im keeping it.im having irish twins. apparently you are fertile again after 3 short weeks of delievering your baby... youre not to have sex atleast 6 weeks after so if you get pregnant after only 3 weeks you are a dare devil and obviously didnt listen to doctors orders. i got pregnant with baby 2 when payten was 2 months so 9 weeks after having her... yes suprises happen and its ment to happen if it does lol. i love both my babies the same and always will i tried for awhile with payten to only have a miscarriage and have to get on drugs testing if i even ovulated each month  to finially get prregnant with my baby love... this one came without anything no stress  or readiness. im so happy though they are both my blessings on this earth and although i will have both arms full for awhile i look forward to their relationship later on i hope they will always have a best friend in on another.

its a ...

girl! yippy another girl! ha ha im actually excited i get to have more pink in my life who wouldnt be happy about that?:) payten gets a little sister and all i can think of are girls names anyways. a friend said today that god knows what your family needs in it and how true is that! they pick us and come to live here on earth with us. im excited to met my little angel!

stay a baby forever

 payten is 7 months and a half now... she is reaching sooo many milestones sooo fast that i dont know what to do... my baby is turning into a toddler and i can honestly say i do not like it! i tell her to stop each day but she refuses to. she is crawling and getting into everything! i find her under soo many pieces of furniture hiding from me... she then starts giggling when i get her haha we had to lower the crib all the way down bc she is pulling herself up. within a week of this she started taking steps.... no payten no i think. i know that when this next baby comes i will be sooo glade she is able to get around and walk but shes only 7 months old... not yet please.:( shes growing up way too fast. i remember when she was born and i couldnt beleive this perfect angel they gave me was mine. im not sure if i was in shock from labor ( i was alittle out of it after) or just in awe. i love my baby soo much im scared for the years to come. i want to do right by her and teach her what she needs to know in this world. i want her to know i love her everyday, how beautiful and special she is.

my 23rd birthday.

wow 23... how old! haha im just kidding ... i feel 30 at times in my life i dont know if its because im married with one child and another on the way but thats how old i really feel. i guess i should be thankful im not there yet but 23 is another year closer to it and farther away from 20. dont worry ill get over it. jake was able to get the day off we went to texas road house with payten and she did soooo well.i was so thankful for how good she did. she didnt get into too much and just sat happily eating whatever i gave her and chewing on whatever she could get her hands on. target was next and i got a carpet cleaner! i know i know... not fun but its fun for me when i am able to clean my carpets after my 7 month old decides to barf all over them:) ha ha anyways im 23 now and growing up i guess. so happy late birthday to me. we find out the sex of baby number 2 on monday... i dont know if im excited or nervous. i am excited to see him or her but once we find out the sex we start talking about names and then it just makes this pregnancy more real i dont know if im ready for that. im sooo nervous for when this one comes... paydee will only be 1 and thats if this baby doesnt pop out early. i will live( i hope) haha

Mother's day

I think its important to have a special day to celebrate moms. I know that we should really celebrate them and their amazing jobs each and everyday but sometimes we get so lost in the busy lives we live that we dont stop and thank them or atleast let them know how truely special they are. moms give carry a baby, they give birth, i know from personal experience that labor isnt fun.it is one amazing thing but fun isnt one of them. i am so grateful for moms out there that do it day in and day out. they make their children feel special and watch them grow up. i know that if i am able to watch payten marry a worthy man years (lots) from now and be happy a respectful strong woman in todays world i have done my best and thats gift enough. thank you all moms. grandmas. future moms out there. you have changed lives.

i feel my saviors love.

tonight i had the chance to rock payten to sleep if you know my parenting style this isnt normal bc i  do my own version of the baby wise. which i love we have a list of things we do each night so she become used to going to bed on her own. i didnt start it till 4 months and ever sense i have she will sleep 10 + hrs a night normally 12 and has a 1hr nap and a 30 min nap during the day. i try to keep everything around the same time and ive notived if i go off too much she doesnt sleep well. we take a nap at 4 wake up eat baby food. play take a bath lotion up get her into her pjs.read a book or two then cuddle for an hour or so i fed her wrap her up and off to bed still awake she sometimes whins for a mintue or two but 90 percent of the time shes out within 5 mins and sleeps so well. shes in bed by 8 normally tonight it was 9pm but we were out tonight getting food. tonight i felt like i needed to wrap her up and just rock her to sleep in her room with the lights off. i didnt realize it but i started singing to her i feel my saviors love the love he truley gives me his spirit warms my soul through everything i see. etc. i love that song but its not one of my favorite hyms so im not sure how i knew all the words. she just looked into my eyes for awhile then slowly drifted off.i love my daughter with all my heart she truley is my everything. i would give my life for her.i had the chance last night to read a few of the general conference talks for last month. after i put payten to bed i thought of one that talked about becoming as a child how close to god they are. how innocent. i feel so blessed that he intrusted this heavenly being in my care. she is so close to our heavenly father she is only 7 months old what did she experience only a year ago? i feel my saviors love when i hold my child and she looks into my eyes so dearly.

5 months old and counting...

i can not beleive that my little baby girl is already 5 months old. she is 14 pounds and is only in the 50 percentile now(shes healthy just petite) she was in the 80 percentile when she was born but she was also a monester ha ha she has the tiniest feet she can wear a size one shoe but im having a hard time with sandles bc her ankles are so small they just slide right off and she can flip them up in the air accross the room.she has been rolling over for a while but she wouldnt do back to front unless only i was watching idk if shes shy lol but this last week she has been rolling around everywhere. we also realize she can somewhat hold her own bottle and we let her feed herself once in a while. i love my little baby girl and i know she is proably excited about meeting her baby brother or sister in less then 8 months ... i have a feeling now that they planneed this suprise in heaven bc they couldnt stay away from each other for more then a year. lets just hopw this one doesnt come early bc then they might end up with the same birthdays ha ha poor kids.

exciting news...

wellyou might want to sit down before i tell you this but... wait are you sitting? ok.... IM PREGNANT! yes .. agian i know its crazy but after freaking out just alittle we are very excited about it im due oct 20th 2011 so yes... they will be about a year and 11 days apart:) ha ha.