weight weight go away...

im not posting what i weigh or sizes/pictures etc. im too scared of all that to share lol but i will post how excited i am that i weigh less then what i did going into this pregnancy! news flash i still weigh more then i like story of my life so i have a long long way to go but this is a good start i beleive . i got pregnant with paisley not 3 months after i had payten and hadnt lost all the 50 pounds i gained with her... i wasnt able to breastfed with her and started dieting and working out a month later so i had lost like 30 pounds 10 right after she came out and 30 after i started dieting... i got pregnant with paisley and obviously couldnt diet anymore lol gained 20 pounds with this last pregnancy. lost 10 right away lol and have lost 20 the last three weeks. paisley is 3 weeks today. i have a bunch more i need to lose and am no where close to where i want to be but hopefully with breastfeeding the next year starting to workout in 3 weeks when i get the go ahead(i would now but my placenta didnt come out on its own with paisley and aparently you can bleed to death if you dont take it easy after that happens untill the doctor says its all healed(ive already tried talking my doctor into letting me and it didnt work if you cant tell lol) ive done a tone of research and talked to lactation nurses and doctors and i can start watching calories once my milk supply is good by two months as long as i eat atleast 1800 calories a day and eating healthy. so heres to getting healthy this next year :)d

words of a sleep deprived mom

paisley i breastfed. im proud to say(type) this simple sentence. i wasnt able to breastfeed payten and to this day(a year later) i still regret that it never was able to happen.there is a new research study done that the longer youre able to breastfeed a baby the more connections in the brain are made making a smarter baby. i hope when paytens older she doesnt blame me for her math skills or that shes not able to speek chinese bc of this.lol i want to be able to breastfeed her as long as possible (atleast till age 1) if we go past that then great but i just might feel alittle akward with a 5 year old hanging on my breast in public loloh well she will be one smart baby if that happens ha ha. last night i found out the reason paisley grunts sooo much... she has gas and its bad! so luckly... i had gripe water i had boughten with payten but never opened. you have to mix it into a bottle and fed it to them so i measured it out pumped some milk and mixed it in happy i had figured it out and that the steps i had just taken would allow us all to get a better nights sleep grunt free. well  i found out something very important. my kid refuses a bottle... even a natural nipple alike one. i decided that when out in public i would first pump then fed her with a bottle ... well it looks like thats not going to happen now...or atleast untill i get her to take a bottle. i guess i will have to get over my fear of public  flashing lol its not so much me scared that someone will see something... its more that they will be offended by seeing something.so back to the problem of the grunting child... i decided to put into a baby medication despencer and drip it in while i breastfed her. after a half hour or burps etc she fell asleep. and for about 3 hrs slept with only a few small grunts! it worked and i slept good till she woke up to eat again... with more milk came more grunts. so i tried again. anyways long long story short was that last night was not fun and i stayed up with a gassy fussy baby sleeping in my arms peacefully while i couldnt sleep. oh well thats mommyhood. i say mommyhood bc the word mother seems too old to use right now... im only 23 im not 40 so mommyhood is what i will use till the word mother applys more to me in 10 or so years.

my reasons for living

i havent written in awhile obviously so here is a catch up on things that have happened. payten turned 1 years old this last month! my little baby is growing up. we had a small birthday party and  opened gifts with my parents the weekend before then had a family thing on her birthday. she got some fun gifts and ate losts of frosting:) mostly frosting not so much cake ha ha shes been walking since 10 and a half months and has gotten better she walks like a little duckie ha ha we actually took her to her one year apt got shots and blood draw(it was horrible) and the doctor said she is slightly bow legged in her right leg but she will grow out of it soon. she says a few words like. mama. dada. papa.bo(our dog) hi. baba. no. and her favorite jake(my husbands name) lol she is so active and fun now. shes so happy all th e time we love our little toddler. paisley was born oct 14th (5 days after paytens birthday. we ended up having to be induced which i would actually do again. it was so much easier on my physically then paytens delivery was. we had an apt set for 8am and checked in with our bags were sent to labor and delivery met our nurse and she set me up with the iv and a pitocin drip. my doctor came in an hr later and broke my water(wierdiest feeling ever! i hated it bc it just wouldnt stop gussing and i wanted to shower so badily bc of it ha ha anyways that really didnt get things going so they upped the pitocin every 30 hr till 1pm when i got my epidural i slept for and hr or two after that and then started throwing up when i woke up i think i threw up a few times and even after i could seem to keep anything down it sucked. i finially got some food when my sweet parent in laws came with a much requested pizza that night:)  anyways back to the birth. at 4 pm the nurse came in and checked me and set up a cathater. sadily my epidural didnt work like it should have and i had feeling in my right leg for awhile. so things were uncomforable but atleast i wasnt feeling those contractions. so much worese with pitocin. no fun i promise.  she said i was only at a 4 and came in an a half hr later to check me i was a 5. about 15 mins later i felt funny down there and wondered if maybe the cathater had come out or something so i called her in to check. she did and said it hadnt moved and was fine then luckly decided to check me again even though she just had. i was at a 9 ! from a 5 to a 9 in 15 mins and they had taken me off the pitocin bc it was makning me sick and i had started progressing by myself early. she said ill get everything to set up for delivery and was gone... i was so shocked i wasnt ready i thought i had time... what was going on!lol she came back in and set up like 5 mins later i was feeling a horrible pressure like she was about to pop out and it started feeling contractions again. was my epidural gone? i pushed the button a million times and nothing it was empty... they called the guy back in and he gave me a numbing (very strong epidural shot thing bc the epiural really wasnt working in the first place very well) it helped but i still felt everything unlike how it was with payten i was numb up untill pushing. she said she was going to have me start pushing before the doctor would come in... well when she had me spread my legs and into the sturps she looked down and her face scared me she then said never mind and im like what? jake looked down there and they said her head was already half out and there was a bunch of dark hair right there! im like are you sure? ha ha they both just looked at me wierd. she ran and got the doctor she put on everything and within 3 pushed she was out. paisley was 8 pounds and 2 oz 19 and a half inches long and born at 530pm. she was beautiful. she is beautiful. they weighed and measured her after they took her away from me and waited for the placenta to deliver... it didnt it wouldnt so my doctor had to manually pull it out it was so painful even with the drugs i cried. we only stayed in the hospital till the next night luckily they let us leave so we could be home with payten that night. we missed her and wanted her to met her little sister. we are getting use to having two little ones... its hard at times but sooooo worth it. i love my little family more then anything. always and forever()