stinky poo poo

its so fun having a toddler. she makes me smile and half crazed all at the same time. ive come to realize our house from now on will always be one big mess no matter how much i clean it. i clean up something she gets into something else i clean that up she gets into something else... its a circle. haha so ... More kids? one day... not right now i dont beleive i could handle it i mean i only have two hands in while is holding a baby the other is doing something else. payten is getting so big i cant even imagion her getting anymore grown up which will happen im just not ready for it. she randomly says and does stuff that im just laughing at all day... then think where the heck did that come from ive never done that. today it was wheewwww she ran up to me with no pants on and grapping at her diaper waving her hand infront of her nose says whewwww. i asked if she need her diaper changed .... she ran into her room and pointed to the wippy box she then layed down for me to change her... im just in amazment. i know every parents just thinks their kids are soooooo smart. i guess im just like everybody else then haha

what are you doing ??

i decided to start the hcg diet last week. so far so great im starting to feel more like myself. why would you do that some people probably think. well its pretty simple i have 50 pounds i need to lose i felt overwhelmed doing it by myself and needed help and my hormones are all messed up so this is kinda a last resort. i want to like what see in the miror.

it is what it is

days go by too fast

i remember our wedding day. i remember planning payten. i remember having her(and how much it hurt) then finding out i was pregnant with paisley. i remember having her... now payten is 16 months and paisley is 4 months... i cant stand it. they are growing up to fast. i remember with payten i wanted her to reach milestones so fast each on then the next. she rolled at 2 months. crawled at 6 and walked right before 10... too fast. she talks now, some words clearer then others. she gives paisley hugs and kisses and says HI SISSER! she will give her sips of her milk bottle. she will take wipes and try to wipe her face. i love my little helper. she started getting diapers for me to change her. i know potty training is around the corner which i same nervous for. not having her in diapers would financialy be great for us though having two in them now is expensive! paisley is getting big herself ive been having trouble breastfeeding(isnt that always the issue) but luckly with the great support of friends i talked myself into not giving up just yet. i bought a nice(way tooo expensive) pump and tommee tippee bottles because she had nipple confusion.working on my supply and breastfeeding her everyday/allday. but its worth it. i love the relationship i have with her because of it. i feel good about being able to feed my baby naturally. payten was formula fed because breastfeeding never worked with her. i dont know how long i will be able to feed paisley but its already better then i did with payten so maybe with my next it will be even longer and so on. lets hope for the best. this week has been problematic. we have had cows infest our property(we have 4 acres) there were atleast 30 all over our front yard one morning so my husband drove them away with his rino then a few days later they were back eating our(expensive) hay. if you have ever bought hay ... its not cheap! so we were naturally mad! we put up on old (large dog cage) around the big pile of hay so they couldnt get to it. our lab wasnt using it because he just stays anyways. well... at midnight the other day they were back... they woke us up hiding their horns against our house trying to eat some small weeds around it... there were a bunch around the hay and one had broken the door to the cage and stuck his head in there just eating away. we were soooo mad! our neighbors have contacted the lady whos cows they were and complained a MILLION times... but she STILL after months never came and rounded them up putting them back onto her property. my husband called and the next day there she was! i was getting ready for a baby shower and my husband was at work when i heard the dog bark and bark so i looked out the window... there was a beat up truck driving slowly around our house... not on our land... AROUND IN OUR BACK YARD! who the heck does that! i was pissed and wondered who the heck it was and what they heck they thought they were doing... so i walked out side after getting dressed and yelled "CAN I HELP YOU?" she explained who she was and that she was looking for her cows to round up. long story short my husband and the neighbor ended up rounding the cows up and fixing the ladys feence while she gave a million excuses of why they were out in the first place.(for months) no im sorry or anything for them eating a few hundred dollars worth of hay or waking us up at midnight when my husband has to go to work early in the morning. i swear some people dont give a crap about anybody else do they?

coupons coupons everywhere

coupon embarsments

I coupon. THERE i said it! i started couponing... and im alittle embaresed but ive save half of what i was spending on EVERYTHING now! it feels great and if i have to hold up a line for an extra 5 mins then oh well...if i have to spend an hour a week clipping and organizing and another hour making my lists then oh well. judge me. i DONT care anymore:) im proud of myself for saving money each month so i got myself a double jogging stroller with some of that money and we are saving money for a new car for our growing family. the other day i went to safeway and got 5 pom wonderful pom jucies and a box of ceral and paid only 75 cents:) i like that do you? lol i started stockpiling which if you dont know the lingo thats piling things up that you have bought couponing. i love the free stuff its my favorite and ya i dont need a million tooth pastes but what if something happened and we didnt have money we could live off the stockpile for awhile atleast or what if there was a disaster that happened and the stores were all closed .... well my family would have clean teeth while yours had bad breath. you can look at it however you would like but im excited to say i am not embaresed anymore of couponing. judge away people haha ps pictures to come of great couponing trips :)

weight weight go away...

im not posting what i weigh or sizes/pictures etc. im too scared of all that to share lol but i will post how excited i am that i weigh less then what i did going into this pregnancy! news flash i still weigh more then i like story of my life so i have a long long way to go but this is a good start i beleive . i got pregnant with paisley not 3 months after i had payten and hadnt lost all the 50 pounds i gained with her... i wasnt able to breastfed with her and started dieting and working out a month later so i had lost like 30 pounds 10 right after she came out and 30 after i started dieting... i got pregnant with paisley and obviously couldnt diet anymore lol gained 20 pounds with this last pregnancy. lost 10 right away lol and have lost 20 the last three weeks. paisley is 3 weeks today. i have a bunch more i need to lose and am no where close to where i want to be but hopefully with breastfeeding the next year starting to workout in 3 weeks when i get the go ahead(i would now but my placenta didnt come out on its own with paisley and aparently you can bleed to death if you dont take it easy after that happens untill the doctor says its all healed(ive already tried talking my doctor into letting me and it didnt work if you cant tell lol) ive done a tone of research and talked to lactation nurses and doctors and i can start watching calories once my milk supply is good by two months as long as i eat atleast 1800 calories a day and eating healthy. so heres to getting healthy this next year :)d

words of a sleep deprived mom

paisley i breastfed. im proud to say(type) this simple sentence. i wasnt able to breastfeed payten and to this day(a year later) i still regret that it never was able to happen.there is a new research study done that the longer youre able to breastfeed a baby the more connections in the brain are made making a smarter baby. i hope when paytens older she doesnt blame me for her math skills or that shes not able to speek chinese bc of this.lol i want to be able to breastfeed her as long as possible (atleast till age 1) if we go past that then great but i just might feel alittle akward with a 5 year old hanging on my breast in public loloh well she will be one smart baby if that happens ha ha. last night i found out the reason paisley grunts sooo much... she has gas and its bad! so luckly... i had gripe water i had boughten with payten but never opened. you have to mix it into a bottle and fed it to them so i measured it out pumped some milk and mixed it in happy i had figured it out and that the steps i had just taken would allow us all to get a better nights sleep grunt free. well  i found out something very important. my kid refuses a bottle... even a natural nipple alike one. i decided that when out in public i would first pump then fed her with a bottle ... well it looks like thats not going to happen now...or atleast untill i get her to take a bottle. i guess i will have to get over my fear of public  flashing lol its not so much me scared that someone will see something... its more that they will be offended by seeing something.so back to the problem of the grunting child... i decided to put into a baby medication despencer and drip it in while i breastfed her. after a half hour or burps etc she fell asleep. and for about 3 hrs slept with only a few small grunts! it worked and i slept good till she woke up to eat again... with more milk came more grunts. so i tried again. anyways long long story short was that last night was not fun and i stayed up with a gassy fussy baby sleeping in my arms peacefully while i couldnt sleep. oh well thats mommyhood. i say mommyhood bc the word mother seems too old to use right now... im only 23 im not 40 so mommyhood is what i will use till the word mother applys more to me in 10 or so years.

my reasons for living

i havent written in awhile obviously so here is a catch up on things that have happened. payten turned 1 years old this last month! my little baby is growing up. we had a small birthday party and  opened gifts with my parents the weekend before then had a family thing on her birthday. she got some fun gifts and ate losts of frosting:) mostly frosting not so much cake ha ha shes been walking since 10 and a half months and has gotten better she walks like a little duckie ha ha we actually took her to her one year apt got shots and blood draw(it was horrible) and the doctor said she is slightly bow legged in her right leg but she will grow out of it soon. she says a few words like. mama. dada. papa.bo(our dog) hi. baba. no. and her favorite jake(my husbands name) lol she is so active and fun now. shes so happy all th e time we love our little toddler. paisley was born oct 14th (5 days after paytens birthday. we ended up having to be induced which i would actually do again. it was so much easier on my physically then paytens delivery was. we had an apt set for 8am and checked in with our bags were sent to labor and delivery met our nurse and she set me up with the iv and a pitocin drip. my doctor came in an hr later and broke my water(wierdiest feeling ever! i hated it bc it just wouldnt stop gussing and i wanted to shower so badily bc of it ha ha anyways that really didnt get things going so they upped the pitocin every 30 hr till 1pm when i got my epidural i slept for and hr or two after that and then started throwing up when i woke up i think i threw up a few times and even after i could seem to keep anything down it sucked. i finially got some food when my sweet parent in laws came with a much requested pizza that night:)  anyways back to the birth. at 4 pm the nurse came in and checked me and set up a cathater. sadily my epidural didnt work like it should have and i had feeling in my right leg for awhile. so things were uncomforable but atleast i wasnt feeling those contractions. so much worese with pitocin. no fun i promise.  she said i was only at a 4 and came in an a half hr later to check me i was a 5. about 15 mins later i felt funny down there and wondered if maybe the cathater had come out or something so i called her in to check. she did and said it hadnt moved and was fine then luckly decided to check me again even though she just had. i was at a 9 ! from a 5 to a 9 in 15 mins and they had taken me off the pitocin bc it was makning me sick and i had started progressing by myself early. she said ill get everything to set up for delivery and was gone... i was so shocked i wasnt ready i thought i had time... what was going on!lol she came back in and set up like 5 mins later i was feeling a horrible pressure like she was about to pop out and it started feeling contractions again. was my epidural gone? i pushed the button a million times and nothing it was empty... they called the guy back in and he gave me a numbing (very strong epidural shot thing bc the epiural really wasnt working in the first place very well) it helped but i still felt everything unlike how it was with payten i was numb up untill pushing. she said she was going to have me start pushing before the doctor would come in... well when she had me spread my legs and into the sturps she looked down and her face scared me she then said never mind and im like what? jake looked down there and they said her head was already half out and there was a bunch of dark hair right there! im like are you sure? ha ha they both just looked at me wierd. she ran and got the doctor she put on everything and within 3 pushed she was out. paisley was 8 pounds and 2 oz 19 and a half inches long and born at 530pm. she was beautiful. she is beautiful. they weighed and measured her after they took her away from me and waited for the placenta to deliver... it didnt it wouldnt so my doctor had to manually pull it out it was so painful even with the drugs i cried. we only stayed in the hospital till the next night luckily they let us leave so we could be home with payten that night. we missed her and wanted her to met her little sister. we are getting use to having two little ones... its hard at times but sooooo worth it. i love my little family more then anything. always and forever()